


You're Still a Posh Twat

by antichrist



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Eggsy, Hate Sex, I'm a little bit obsessed with riding probably I really like it leave me alone, M/M, Riding, because I am weak af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 13:48:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4351172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antichrist/pseuds/antichrist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Charlie, don’t get the wrong idea, but I think we both need to let off some steam, and as much as I would love to do that right here and ride you into the mattress –,” he pauses and looks around, then continues even quieter, only an inch from Charlie’s ear, “I think it’d be best if you came with me, yeah?”</p><p>aka I'm weak for hate sex and the intensity of the hate sex Eggsy and Charlie could have is currently blowing my mind. I probably didn't even half capture it in this. Sorry about that. Also it might read as a little bit OOC, sorry about that too. Hope it's not too bad. Also this was finished at 2:50 AM and is unbetaed. Whadduuuup.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Still a Posh Twat

The first and only time it happens, it’s because Eggsy can’t sleep. The day has been long and tiring, and yet sleep refuses to take him whenever he closes his eyes. With a frustrated groan, he resigns himself to a night of watching the darkness and opens his eyes. He can hear the others’ slow breathing around him, and he imagines he can make out one particularly annoying breathing pattern which must undoubtedly belong to Charlie, the posh twat.

Charlie is everything Eggsy can’t stand about the upperclass, and Eggsy has wanted to clock him in the jaw so many times he’s lost count at this point, which is quite impressive considering the short time they’ve known each other. He’s done a marvellous job working his way up the ladder of people Eggsy can’t fucking stand, almost reaching Dean-level. He wonders what it would take to make him shut up for an extended period of time, really make him close his big fucking mouth. His brain comes up with an idea before he’s even asked it to, before he’s sure he wanted it to, and it’s one he’s not sure he welcomes. It’s there now, though, and it’s no use trying to ignore it or pushing it back. It doesn’t help that Eggsy has seen how Charlie looks at him when they’re getting changed. He ignores the realisation that knowing this must mean he’s also been looking at Charlie. He’s an okay looking lad, though, and Eggsy knows it.

Furthermore, he knows that if circumstances were different, like if Charlie was a stranger and tried to pick him up in a pub or something, it would probably work, despite his face being that of a typical posh wanker.

Going home with lads at the end of the night wasn’t particularly popular in his neighbourhood, so there had never been a lot of that for Eggsy, but there’s been a few boys here and there. Mainly boys he knew he would never see again, and could easily ignore if he did. It wasn’t so much that he didn’t want to see them again, but it would be safer for all parties if he didn’t. With Charlie, though, it would be different. There’s no need to try things out anymore, he already knows what he likes, and though he has to see and talk to him for the rest of Charlie’s time there (which he is convinced will be shorter than his own), he doubts Charlie will spill anything, if only to preserve his own dignity. The only question is whether or not Charlie will go for it, if he’s as desperate for a lay as Eggsy apparently is.

Eggsy’s brain starts coming up with ways to coax him along, and almost as if on autopilot, he switches on the light above his bed and starts rummaging through his little pile of stuff. Thank god he’s gotten used to carrying around the essentials. He opens his wallet, old and worn as it is, to find a condom and a packet of lube, and quickly and quietly swings his legs off the edge of the bed. As he starts walking towards the bed opposite his, JB lifts his little pug head, and for a split second Eggsy feels bad for leaving him alone in the night. He tells himself it’s too late now, because at this point his body has caught up with his brain and is responding to the images floating through it, and so he pats his dog on the head and continues on in the now dimly lit room. When he reaches Charlie’s bed he takes a moment to look at the sleeping boy. Even asleep he looks smug. The desire to call it all off and just punch him instead is strong, but not as strong as the surge of arousal he feels when he thinks about what he’s about to do. In one swift movement, before he has time to regret it, he throws a leg across Charlie’s body and places a hand on his mouth. The last thing he needs is the others waking up because of confused shouting.

Charlie wakes up the instant Eggsy’s weight is resting on his hips, but it takes him a moment to realise exactly what is happening and who is on top of him. For a second, Eggsy thinks he looks scared. It makes him feel powerful. He shifts his hips to grind them down into Charlie’s, their eyes never leaving each other’s, and Charlie’s expression changes slightly as he realises the reason behind Eggsy’s visit. Eggsy can hear a low humming sound in the back of the boy’s throat and grins.

“Charlie, don’t get the wrong idea, but I think we both need to let off some steam, and as much as I would love to do that right here and ride you into the mattress –,” he pauses and looks around, then continues even quieter, only an inch from Charlie’s ear, “I think it’d be best if you came with me, yeah?”

Charlie nods, and underneath the palm of his hand, Eggsy feels him smile. It’s only with great difficulty he keeps himself from slapping Charlie in the face. As quietly as he possibly can, he gets off the bed and starts towards the door. He’s not quite sure where they’re going yet, but the building is vast and is split into many, many rooms. Briefly he considers just doing it in the hallway, but then he spots the stairwell leading up to another hallway where he knows the door to the library is. No-one will be visiting the library at this hour, so it should be pretty safe. Probably, anyway. One can never be too sure with Harry and Merlin. Quickly, they make their way up there, and they’ve barely made their way inside and shut the door before Eggsy lunges at Charlie, effectively pinning him to the wall behind him.

“I want you to know,” he growls, between the frantic kisses he’s placing on Charlie’s mouth, jaw, and neck, “that you don’t need to worry, I still think you’re a posh twat, and this,” he pauses to motion between them before pulling off his shirt, “is for convenience. Get your kit off, c’mon.”

The second Charlie’s shirt is off as well, Eggsy is back to basically assaulting his mouth with his own. He counts it as a small miracle that Charlie hasn’t said anything yet, but he’s not willing to pause long enough to give him a chance. He seems to be about as enthusiastic as Eggsy, as bewildered as he must be, and that’s the most important part to Eggsy, because even though he doesn’t necessarily want good things for Charlie, he doesn’t want him to feel forced to do this. His conscience is too functional for that. He breaks away for a moment to tear open the packet of lube and squirt some on his fingers, and then he’s back to snogging Charlie, his fingers quickly finding his own asshole and pressing in. Charlie chooses this moment to be a decent human being, and puts a hand between their bodies to wrap around their cocks, conveniently lined up against each other, and Eggsy has to take a moment to breathe. He’s gone so long without a lay he’d nearly forgotten how it felt to have someone else touch you like that, even if it were someone you hated. There are a couple of seconds where his fingers are pushing into him in the same rhythm that Charlie is stroking them, but he quickly falls out of pace. It’s not too long before he’s got three fingers inside himself, and his breathing is definitely coming heavier now.

“Go on,” he says, motioning to the condom laying on the floor with his free hand, “put it on, I’m nearly done.” Charlie quickly does as he’s told, and Eggsy snorts. “Are you always this obedient in bed?” It takes a couple of seconds, as Charlie finishes rolling the condom on, but then he looks up at Eggsy and grins.

“Only when I’m with a bitch who would definitely throw a fit if I didn’t comply.”

Anger flares in Eggsy’s chest and he pulls out his fingers to grab Charlie’s hair. “Shut the fuck up, you fucking cunt.” Charlie only laughs. He doesn’t even seem fazed that the fingers in his hair have just been inside Eggsy’s ass. Fucking prick. Eggsy shoves him to the floor, earning a pained noise in response, and it’s with great pleasure he gets down to straddle the boy again.

“Lie still and I’ll show you who the bitch is,” he snarls, grabbing Charlie’s cock to place it at his ass.

“Seems I was right about the fit, though,” Charlie laughs, and Eggsy wants to choke him. “You sure that –.” Eggsy chooses that moment to sit down, very effectively shutting Charlie up, and he mentally high fives himself. Charlie swears as Eggsy starts moving, and it’s too loud, and Eggsy shushes him instantly.

“You need to fucking keep quiet or I’ll get off your fucking cock and shove mine in your mouth, yeah? Wanker.” The last insult is only a breath as he leans back and lets the head of Charlie’s dick drag against his prostate. Charlie laughs again, but breathier this time.

They’ve only been going for a few minutes, but Eggsy can feel the warmth spreading in his abdomen, along with his thighs going sore. He’s going to feel it tomorrow, and he hopes for a moment that they’re not doing anything related to a leg work-out. 

“You might be – fuck – might be a piece of shit, but your dick – fuck – your dick feels really fucking good. At least you’ve got that going for you.” He’s breathing heavily now, and when he looks down at Charlie, Charlie’s mouth hangs open and has one arm flung across his eyes. His stomach is tensing rapidly.

Eggsy is fairly certain he knows what’s about to happen and groans, “No, no, no, Charlie, fuck, you can’t – Charlie, don’t fucking come yet. Fucking don’t. Are you fucking fifteen?” He wraps his hand around his dick and starts jerking it quickly, because if Charlie is going to come now, he needs to catch up. Charlie seems incapable of any kind of reply apart from low moans in the rhythm of Eggsy moving on top of him, but he’s starting to thrust up to meet him now, and Eggsy feels like he might actually die. It only takes Eggsy about thirty more seconds of bouncing on his cock before Charlie is tensing up, though, one hand gripping Eggsy’s thigh so hard he thinks it might bruise. In a way he hopes it will.

Eggsy knows he’ll be over-stimulated soon, and if Charlie was someone he cared about, he’d be getting off and finishing on his own, but Charlie isn’t someone he cares about, so he only goes faster. He’s not too far off, himself, anyway.

“I’m about to fucking come,” he warns, voice deep and raw, “so don’t you dare fucking move. Don’t fucking – fuck – don’t move.” Charlie makes a pained whine in response and digs his fingers into the skin on Eggsy’s thigh, and the sharp pain coupled with the drag of cock across his prostate and his hand on his own dick finally sends him over the edge. He throws himself forward, latching his lips and teeth onto Charlie’s shoulder to silence the sob that escapes him as he comes, hitting both of their stomachs with a spray of cum. It takes him about a minute to gather his thoughts enough to sit up and look for something to clean up with, and as he slowly lifts himself off of Charlie’s dick, he spots a shirt he knows isn’t his own. Quickly, while Charlie is too busy getting the condom off, he grabs it and wipes his stomach with it before throwing it at the boy on the floor. He then grabs his own stuff and gets up, pulling on his pants as he makes for the door.

“Thanks for the shag, have fun cleaning up!” He can hear Charlie swear at him as he shuts the door behind him, but he’s already running, not stopping until he’s outside the door to their shared bedroom to quickly pull on his trousers and shirt. Quietly, he makes his way inside and slips into bed again. He turns off the light, too – decides that he might as well make life difficult for Charlie now that he’s got him out of bed – and the room is launched into pitch darkness. He feels giddy, the adrenaline having finally caught up with him, and JB seems to feel it, coming up to lick his face. Gently he pushes the dog away, intent to seem like he’s sleeping when Charlie comes back. From what he can tell without any kind of clock to tell him how much time has passed, Eggsy would say it takes about five minutes for Charlie to return. He’s so quiet, Eggsy is nearly impressed.

To his own surprise, it only takes him a couple of minutes to fall asleep after that. Suddenly, he’s being woken up, and has to deal with his sore thighs and his even sorer arse, as well as Roxy pulling him aside before breakfast to ask why both he and Charlie were out of their beds in the middle of the night. He tells her the truth, because she’s an understanding girl, and to his surprise she starts laughing so loud he has to ask her to quiet down. The rest of the day, whenever she looks at Charlie, she giggles, and Eggsy feels glad he could make her laugh that much.

They never do it again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this. Leave some kudos and/or a comment if you did, it helps with morale.


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